You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
