Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
