I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
