Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
