yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
