Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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