I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
