Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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