We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
