Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
