Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Randomize
