And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
