seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
