he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
