already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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