I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
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his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you never un-have a 4some
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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