and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize