He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
