just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
