Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
