Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My room smells like vodka and shame
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
