filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you have feelings for this penis?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Shame - the story of my life.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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