Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize