On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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