the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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