I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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