This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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