and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
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Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
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if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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