mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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