Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
