went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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