i permit you to call me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
