somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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