I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
