she looked like the bat from fern gully.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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