no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
please come you make the beer taste better
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
