Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
