Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
love makes seman taste better
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
