His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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