I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
