his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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