awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
