I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
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He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize