I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
