swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Found your dick twin last night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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