I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
