Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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