Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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