All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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