Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
