we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize