I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
