Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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