Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
