ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
