I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize