There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
