First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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