They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
