she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
