I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
