I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
