Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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