My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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