did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
