Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Randomize
