I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
