There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You are a genius and a whore.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
