Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
