There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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