I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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