you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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