its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
