I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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