I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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