"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
