You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
