O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
